The Pocket Parent

It's instant relief for when your 2-year-old is on the floor of the toy store, pitching a fit. Or when brother and sister discover that they can't stand each other. Or when your son can't say no to video games. "The Pocket Parent" is, literally, a book of tried-and-true advice, common sense, parental wisdom, and sanity. Written by two professionals who've reared six children between them and made a career out of helping others with parenting issues, this handy book will be a lifesaver for every parent of a 2-to-5-year-old. It begins with an overall view of "The Pocket Parent" approach to discipline. Based on unconditional love but firm limits and aimed at keeping the child's dignity and self-esteem intact, here are strategies that include "I" statements, modeling, family meetings, and "one word" requests. Once the ground rules are set, the guide moves to an A-to-Z compendium of common problems. Just look it up-Anger, Bad Words, Biting, Chores, Doctor Visits, Fears at Night, Lying, Separation Anxiety-and find the "Sanity Savers" list of suggestions, easy-to-follow bullets, anecdotes, and more. WHINING Q: My daughter has started whining every time she wants something. If I don't give in, the whining escalates to screaming and crying. Just the pitch of her voice is driving me crazy! What can I do to discourage this? A: Many young children go through a whining, shrieking phase. Sometimes whining may be the only way your child can express herself when she is feeling tired, frustrated, cranky, hungry, or ill. At other times, she may be trying to get your attention or whittle down your resolve. The unrelenting tone can certainly feel like torture to even the most patient parent! The key is to stand your ground and not give in to whining and other annoying behavior-or you may find you're actually encouraging it to continue. Immediate Response -Refuse to give in to those annoying tones so the child learns he will not get what he wants by whining. -Use an "I" statement to express your feelings. Say, "I cannot listen to that voice, it hurts my ears." (Then, with your hands over your ears, leave the room.) -Try some humor, and whine right back! The child will often get the message and will begin talking in his regular voice again after a good laugh. -Take a deep breath, then ask yourself if your child is frustrated because you have become inappropriately demanding due to your very bad mood. If so, try to restore good feelings and consider apologizing to your child. -Try giving your child a quick hug or cuddle (while ignoring the whining), this won't work for every child, but for some it's just enough of the right kind of attention to reset the mood and enable you to mollify "the whiner." -Treat your child as if he were speaking a foreign language-and if you know one, consider responding in a foreign tongue. Your child will wonder what you're saying and, for the moment, may stop whining! Sanity Savers Acknowledge your child's feelings without attacking her character. -When Daniel was little, he hated the way his father attacked his character and made threats to get his point across, "You big baby, you'd better stop whining this instant or I'll really give you something to cry about!" he'd say. That's why Daniel consciously chose to tell his daughter, "Samantha, that's enough! I can see how tired you are, but I still don't like whining and I simply won't listen to it!"